With Just a Sheet of Paper

Can I let you in on a secret? I'm not always excited about being an author. It is certainly a unique and interesting path, but it is a lot of hard work. Some days, I feel overwhelmed by the pressure of book promotion. I fear that I'm not doing enough, that I'm falling behind. I feel the urgency of needing to hit more goals, needing to reach more people, needing to get things under control.

I was speaking with my husband last night about whether or not we might have more children. I said I was open to whatever God had for us, being content with our two, or staying open if He decided to give us more. Then I commented on how strange it was that I was able to hold something so important so loosely, yet I was struggling to trust God with much less significant things (like my book).

Maybe it's because I have less control over whether or not I conceive a child. Or at least, that's my perception. Maybe it's because, as parents, we are not under anyone else's authority, whereas, as an author, I have entered into a contract with a publisher who has certain expectations of me.

Still, God was the One who called me to write this novel; He put the story in my head. He said He would do something with it. He didn't say He would turn it into a bestseller or a blockbuster. He just said He would use it. Maybe even just in a small way. My job is just to be faithful to whatever He calls me to as I continue on this road.

As I was sitting with God, thinking about how stressed out I was about my book, an image came to mind of a sheet of paper on a desk in a room. In the room, rows of desks were laden with rows of computers. It was my first Design class my freshman year of college. I thought the flier might just be a piece of trash; I'm not even sure why I turned it over. But I did. And that one piece of paper changed my life.

It displayed information about a summer internship at a church in Central Oregon. The deadline to apply was that very night. I applied on a whim. I was accepted into the program. Three years later, I took a job at that same church, which led me to move to Bend and meet one of my best friends, who, two years later, encouraged me to sign up for an online dating service, where, after four days, I met my husband. As the church job was part time, I ended up working for a business owned by a member of my church family—a composites shop. At this composites shop, a coworker eventually put me in touch with a random girl who had sent out a flier to different churches advertising her need for a roommate. I ended up moving in with this random girl, becoming close friends with her, and, four years later, introducing her to her husband.

When I see what God can do with a simple piece of paper on a desk, with a last-minute hunch, with a totally random connection, I am ashamed that I put so much pressure on myself to make something great out of my little novel.

I write this to remind myself that God is in the business of making things happen in His perfect way, and that it's not all up to me. That He will do what He is going to do, regardless of my plans and stress and busy worker bee buzzing. That I must simply trust Him and be faithful to the small steps He calls me to each day.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

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Photo by Mediamodifier on Unsplash